If there were a magic secret to relationships, someone would have already bottled it and made millions of dollars. But there are several ways to make your relationship strong and give it the best chance of lasting a lifetime. Most of them are common sense and some are just reminders of when the relationship was new. None of them are really a secret.

•    Love. It’s not enough to love your partner, but you have to show them that you love them often. You should never be in a relationship if you don’t feel genuine love for someone, and feel comfortable expressing it.

•    Respect. If you don’t respect the person you’re with, there’s little hope for the relationship. If you laugh at your partner, feel he or she is often a joke, dumb or worthy of some kind of scorn, then what’s the point?

•    Kindness. Treat your partner with kindness always. A secret to relationships is to be as courteous when you’re alone and not feeling thrilled at that moment as you would with a stranger on the street.

•    Thoughtfulness. Put your partner’s needs and desires at the top of your list. Little gestures are often some of the most powerful.

•    Honesty. Lies can ruin a relationship quickly, even if they’re lies about nothing important. Don’t do anything deceptive and you’ll never have to lie in the first place.

All of those are important to a relationship and may be called the “secret to relationships.” But you really need all of them for a good relationship, and they’re things everyone already knows. The hard part can be figuring out how to express some of them.

Honest is pretty easy to show. Simply be open and honest during conversations. Don’t be afraid to let your partner see your true self, especially when you feel scared, sad, lonely or vulnerable.

Showing respect and showing kindness can go hand in hand. By treating your partner with respect, you show that you support them. You’ll back them up in their ideas and actions because you respect and believe in them.

Even when you don’t necessarily feel they’re doing the right thing, you can respect their decision and be kind in your words about it. Disagreeing pleasantly is a so-called secret to relationships.

Thoughtfulness and love can be expressed hand in hand, too. Telling your partner that you love him is one way to express love. But maybe he feels more loved when you reach out and rub his shoulders for a minute as you pass. Or you balance the checkbook so he doesn’t have to do it.

People perceive love differently. If you can find what your partner perceives as the most loving thing and do that, you’re expressing your love perfectly for that person. And you’re being thoughtful, too. You’re thinking of that person and trying to make them happy.

If you combine these things and apply them, then you’ve found the secret to relationships that can make your partnership a happy one.

Do you know how to get back together with ex?  There are a dozen theories about what works.  These don’t.  Unfortunately, these are the most common approaches people try.  Each of these ways will ensure that you don’t get back together with ex.

1.    Send them a hundred text messages a day declaring your undying love.  It’s okay to have a moderate amount of contact (meaning one or two texts a day), but excessive texts – particularly of undying love – make you needy.  Think back to your single days.  When a person who was crushing on you seemed particularly needy, were they attractive to you?  Of course not!  If you want to get back together with ex, don’t appear needy.

2.    Write them a long love poem.  Right now, they’re not feeling particularly loving toward you.  A love poem isn’t what they want to hear.  In fact, it may embarrass them because it doesn’t mirror their feelings.  So, try to figure out what they are feeling and respond in kind.

3.    Call late at night.  During the day you can occupy yourself and you will find things to do to distract yourself from the inevitable hurt.  But late at night, when you are alone with your thoughts, it seems almost impossible not to pick up the phone and call your ex.  But these late night calls are distressing.  They are emotional for both parties.  If you want to get back together with ex, don’t strain your relationship by taxing their emotions late at night.

4.    Send roses to their work.  Sometimes you feel like you need a big, dramatic gesture to make sure that they know that you love them.  Unfortunately, when other people observe these gestures, they embarrass your ex.  So, don’t do them.

5.    Send them long, accusatory letters.  If you’re hurting, it’s natural to want to lash out.  But, the problem is that when you send a letter, you can never take it back.  If you want to get back together with ex, don’t exasperate the problems in your relationship by sending something that you can never take back.

6.    Push to do a mutual exchange of property.  You may want your college sweatshirt back, but don’t ask them to exchange it.  Somehow doing a mutual exchange of goods puts a finality on a relationship.

7.    Move on too soon.  Your ex may simply be wanting some space, even if they say they never want to see you again.  Until you’re really ready to say goodbye to your ex, put a hold on the dating scene.  Once either of you gets really involved with another person, chances are you won’t get back together again.

So, there are seven ways not to get back together with ex.