Save Your Relationship Archives

If you know the warning signs of a break up you will be better able to avoid splitting from your lover. All relationships are different but there are usually similar symptoms of trouble to look out for:

1) Your partner is ignoring you.

Now I don’t mean that they are not talking to you. Ignoring someone, is where you lose interest in that person and never ask them how they are, what they are feeling or even where they were? If you are like two ships that pass in the night, your love life may need a little work.

Stop to think why they could be ignoring you? Have you forgotten their birthday or some other special event? Have you been less than loving lately? Are they feeling neglected? People usually react over something they feel has happened. This could just be their perception but as they are your lover and you should be trying to keep them happy, you need to understand their point of view.

So why not surprise them with a nice meal and sit them down and ask them what is going on? Why are they grumpy, although I would probably phrase that question a little better! It could be that they are preoccupied with a problem totally outside your relationship. Communication between couples is not always what it should be; so try talking. Who knows where it may lead?

2) Your partner doesn’t want to see you or go out with you.

If your lover suddenly becomes unavailable and too busy to see you, the red warning light should go on. There is a reason why they are avoiding you and you need to find out what that is. Don’t be a doormat or perhaps I should say bedmat. There is no excuse, for not facing your boyfriend or girlfriend, to find out why they think it is acceptable to behave like this.  Whatever you do, do not ignore these signals or you could find yourself in receipt of a break up letter.

3) Your partner is distant in the bedroom

While sex is only a three letter word, it can cause huge problems. Just ask any couple who has been together a long time.   Sometimes your family or life’s issues can get in the way of your lovemaking. It is also a well known fact, that the initial burst of animal attraction usually doesn’t last, so not making love every night is quite normal. What is not normal is not being intimate for months on end. Couples are held together by shared emotions and feelings.  So don’t underestimate the power of a cuddle.

You should know when your partner is happy and when he or she isn’t. Sometimes their mood will have nothing to do with your actions; but often it is an indication of trouble brewing. Pay attention and look out for the above warnings signs of a break up. Otherwise you could find yourself newly single and wondering what happened!

Are you saying “help save my marriage?”  Are you at your wit’s end with your spouse, but want to stay married to him or her?  Do you feel frustrated because they won’t do the work necessary to help save your marriage?

I have a tip for you.  If you want to help save your marriage, you must be the one to change.  Gandhi said “you must be the change you wish to see.”  That’s good advice for a marriage.  If you put all of the focus on wanting your spouse to change, you’ll miss the one opportunity to save your relationship.

The fact is that you can’t change your spouse.  He is what he is.  She is what she is.  Your spouse is unlikely to change because you ask or threaten them.  If they do agree to change, it will not “stick.”

However, all is not lost.  If you start to make the positive changes that will help the relationship survive, you will subtly influence your partner to do the same.

This does not mean that you become a doormat.  In fact, asserting your needs and fulfilling your desires without your partner may be just what the marriage doctor called for.

For instance, if a stay at home wife is nagging her husband to earn more money when he is satisfied with his job, she’s likely to increase the tension in the home.  However, if she takes a part time job or finds a way to make money for the family, it may spur her husband to make more money too.

If a husband wants his wife to lose weight, one of the things he can do is join a gym.  As she sees him getting fit, it will encourage her to do the same.

We often fail to see that we must be the change we wish to see.

As we change ourselves, we create space in the relationship to allow the other person to change and grow.  Let your spouse have room to make the decisions that you want him or her to make.  Don’t nag or belittle them.  You can state your needs in such a way that allows your spouse to have options.

Many couples find themselves on the way to separate divorce lawyers because there is nobody who will help save their marriage.  But, consider going to a pastor instead of an attorney to save your marriage.

Your pastor is committed to the institution of marriage.  He can help you work out your differences in a Godly manner.  If you really believe in saving your marriage, you will take this option.

But, don’t expect miracles from your pastor.  He can only help guide you.  Remember, you are the one who is going to have to do the changing.  You can only ask your spouse to come along for the ride.

If you truly want to help save your marriage, begin with yourself.

Here are 4 good tips to help save your marriage. None of them are terribly difficult to do, and they’re all very inexpensive. They’re simple common sense, yet many people won’t try them, not even to save their marriage.

1. The first tip is to just stop arguing. Every time your partner says something that you want to get grumpy with or correct, just learn to let it go. By doing this you’re doing yourself and all of us a favor. When one person can learn to let things start rolling off her back, the other one will follow suit.

To help save your marriage, you are probably going to have to be the one to learn to let things go. You never know, your partner might be working on the same skills at the same time. But no matter how badly both people want to save their marriage, usually only one person is working on trying to keep the peace.

If your partner thinks that shirt is blue when it’s really an odd green, just think in your head “it’s green!” but let it go. It comes down to deciding that you want to help save your marriage and that’s more important than always being right about everything, or making sure your partner doesn’t make a mistake.

2. The next thing is to be dating again. Even if you’re not actually dating and going out together, you have to approach your relationship as if it’s new and you’ve just started dating. This isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, but it’s necessary.

We all have a different perspective on our partners when the relationship is new. Everything is fresh and more exciting. After a while that freshness wears off and we start to get bored. Some call it routine and familiarity, but most people call it boring and predictable.

If you want to help save your marriage, then make sure it isn’t as boring and predictable as it has been. Surprise your partner with a special date night (and make sure you can reschedule, just in case they can’t go).

3. The third step is to love your partner in the way he or she wants to be loved. We all have things that make us happiest. Some like to be told that they’re loved constantly, while others find small gestures like you offering your gloves to them on a cold day to be the greatest things ever.

Some might think that changing the oil on the car for them is a supreme act of love, while others just want to be told “I love you” so they can feel cherished. The point is, your hours of loving your partner will be twice as effective if you do the things that you know make them happy.

4. Finally, be physically affectionate. Love and marriage aren’t all about sex, but it’s still important. If you want to help save your marriage, you’ll hug and kiss you partner many times throughout the day for no reason at all.

These 4 tips were all basic and I am certain most you you already new them, something just got in the way of you doing the right thing. If you want to save your marriage, or relationship, you must find a way to put these tips into action. Overcome the obstacles and if necessary, swallow your pride, your marriage is on the line. Save Your Marriage, do the right thing and put your partner first and above all, love your partner with all you can give.

Are you worried about your new partner and whether they are committed to you? Do you wonder how a rebound relationship can work particularly if there are unresolved feelings left from the previous affair?

Often rebound relationships can be a band aid solution for the pain and hurt inflicted by the previous lover. If the person getting involved in the new relationship was the one to end the old one, I would be less worried. Usually people have been thinking of ending a relationship for ages before the event actually happens. By the time they get to finish it, they may have worked through their feelings and be ready to move on.

This doesn’t apply to the person who didn’t instigate the previous breakup and becomes quickly involved in a new relationship. Some people cannot bear to be on their own so will flit from person to person in an effort to avoid dealing with the issues leading to the breakup. They are used to being part of a couple. They have an inherent need for someone to love them and need them and hence they can become deeply emotionally involved very quickly. Ironically this is often the reason for the rebound relationship breaking up as the new partner feels swapped by the level of neediness.

It is worth noting that often someone on the rebound often isn’t even aware of what they are doing. They are hurting emotionally and mentally and can crave comfort from another human being. This can mean that they end up in a relationship for the sake of having somebody to hold rather than to be with that person. Their new partner can get very hurt as the realization sets in that they aren’t loved for their individuality as much as the fact they can provide a quick fix solution to a painful situation.

It is always wise to date people who have just come out of a relationship with care. Take things slowly and try to make sure that it is you they are interested in before becoming emotionally involved. Everyone needs time on their own particularly if they come out of a long term partnership.

It is a little like grieving – there is a process that you must go through in order to emerge a stronger person at the end of it. For most people divorce and the breakup of a partnership means the end of a dream even if you were the one to instigate the break up. Everyone will have some feelings of regret if only for not having the fairytale ending.

If you do find yourself involved with someone who you suspect is on the rebound, gently advise them to spend some time on their own working through their emotions. Encourage them to date other people. Keep in contact with them if you are interested in a long term relationship. If you two are destined to be together, it will happen although maybe not right away. This is really the only way to ensure how a rebound relationship can work for you.

How much space in a relationship is necessary? The answer depends a lot on the type of relationship it is, and each person in it. Some people do better when they’re together constantly, and others crave more of their own space in a relationship.

The hard part is finding a happy medium that both people are comfortable with. This is made more difficult when you each have very different ideas about togetherness and space. But as long as you can compromise on the level of space in a relationship that you both need, then you can work through this challenge.

Some people don’t like to be alone. They’re much happier spending all their time with coworkers, friends, family and their partner. When they’re alone and doing things on their own they feel a little lost and lonely.

Other people cherish their alone time. Without a little solitude every day they feel burdened and have a hard time relaxing. They feel that they always have to be “up” or “on” for other people when they’re around them, and it can be exhausting.

Those are two extremes, of course. There are also a lot of people who fall somewhere in the middle. They love the time they spend with their partner, but they also want some me-time to balance it out and recharge.

If both of you fall into that happy medium, then defining your space in a relationship should be pretty easy. And if you each fall into the same extreme group, where you both need lots of space or you both dislike being alone, things are made easier, too.

The problems come when one has a very different idea than the other .If you love your solitude and your partner hates being alone, you really need to talk and set some boundaries. Each needs to understand the other’s point of view so you can come up with a compromise that makes you both feel your needs are met.

If you love being alone each day for a while and your partner craves company 24/7, here’s the problem. When you say you need space in a relationship and go off on your own, your partner will feel neglected as if you don’t want to be around because of them.

And if you hate being alone and your partner really wants some me-time, then by hanging around constantly you can start to make your partner feel smothered. Your partner might also think that there’s no trust there, and you won’t give him or her private time because you’re afraid of what he or she might do when you’re not around.

You can see how both of these situations could quickly cause problems in a relationship. But if you talk to each other honestly and openly about how you feel, then when you need time your partner will understand why.

And when he or she hangs around when you’d rather be alone, you recognize that he or she doesn’t need the same kind of space in a relationship that you do.