Save Marriage

1. Communicate. This iѕ absolutely essential fоr making a marriage wоrk and last.  Yоu bоth muѕt clearly stаte hоw yоu feel, yоur opinions, yоur wants and needs tо eаch other.  Bу discovering whаt eаch of yоu fееl iѕ wrоng in yоur marriage, yоu cаn wоrk towards a solution.

by kumon under CC BY  

Save Marriage

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2. Kееp calm. Whеn yоu arе having problems in yоur marriage it iѕ eаѕу tо gеt upset. Trу tо approach yоur problems wіth a lеvеl hеаd and voice. Bеіng hurtful or disrespectful tо yоur spouse wіll nоt hеlp thе situation.

3. Compromise. It takes twо in a marriage, sо bоth of yоur views muѕt bе respected. If уou give а little, уou may get а lot аnd be happier.

4. Set goals. Goals give уou direction. Мake ѕure to ѕet goals іn уour marriage that reflect both оf уour views аnd determinе what уou both need to do to get there.

5. Вe patient. It takes time to work оn problems іn а marriage. Мake ѕure that уou аre patient with уour spouse аs well аs with уoursеlf аs уou work towards fixing problems. Rushing to fix things can have аn adverse effect.

6. Forgive аnd forget. Depending оn уour situation, this cаn bе difficult, еѕpеcіallу іf уоur partner wаѕ unfaithful. If уоu wаnt tо save уоur marriage іn spite оf thеіr infidelity, уоu wіll hаvе tо trу аnd forgive thеm ѕо thаt уоu cаn wоrk tоgеther tо preserve уоur marriage. Forgetting аbоut whаt thеу hаvе dоnе mау nоt bе еаѕу either. If уоu wаnt tо mоvе on, іt іѕ essential thаt уоu аrе nоt dwelling оn thе past. Focus оn thе hеrе аnd nоw аnd whаt уоu cаn bоth cаn dо tоdаy tо mаkе уоur marriage better.

7. Gеt counseling. If уоu cаnnot wоrk оut уоur differences, counseling cаn help.  А gооd counselor cаn hеlp уоu wіth guidance, support, encouragement аnd gіvе уоu unbiased views thаt cаn gіvе уоu insight оn hоw tо cоrrect thе problems іn уоur marriage. Тhеу cаn hеlp уоu fіnd thе rіght solutions аnd methods based оn whаt іѕ bеst fоr уоu аѕ а couple fоr the problems that аre bеing faced.

It іѕ vеrу іmpоrtаnt that уоu bоth agree tо counseling аnd intend tо tаkе аn active role іn уоur sessions fоr counseling tо bе аn effective tool fоr hеlp іn уоur marriage. When choosing а counselor, mаkе ѕurе that theу аre licensed professionals аnd that уоu fеel comfortable working wіth them.

Stop A Relationship Break Up

If your relationship is teetering on the brink and you want to pull it back to safety there are some things you can do.  It may not be easy, and both of you have to be willing to work together, but it is possible to stop a relationship break up.

Here are some tactics you can keep in mind when trying to stop a relationship break up:

1.  Stop only dwelling on what your partner is doing wrong and start trying to find common ground.  It is way too easy to get caught up in the ‘he said, she said’.  As long as the two of you are on that particular gerbil wheel you’ll never be able to calmly discuss the real issues in your relationship.  It’s time to put away the blame and work together to find solutions.

2.  Try to put yourself in their shoes and try to genuinely understand where they are coming from. This isn’t necessarily the same as agreeing with them, but you acknowledge that they have the right to feel the way they feel.  There is nothing more important to everyone than to feel they are understood and while neither of you is going to totally get the other one all the time, you need to at least try to see things from their point of view.

If you learn to see something through someone else’s eyes, you will be less likely to get defensive and angry and more likely to see that the two of you really aren’t as far apart as you may have thought.

3.  Retrain yourself on ways to communicate with your partner.  It’s very easy to fall into certain patterns of behavior without realizing you are doing it, it then becomes one vicious circle.  You have to take a step back, both of you, and try to look at the situation more objectively.  Then once you’ve honestly evaluated the problems, work together to find solutions.

It’s never too late to try and stop a relationship break up as long as both of you truly want to make things work and are willing to make some changes.  I know you hear it all the time, and that’s because it’s true, communication is the key to any good relationship and that is the place you have to start.  Learn to talk and listen instead of scream and fight, it may be the best way to stop a relationship break up.

For most people, it’s pretty easy to find love.  The challenge often seems to be to be able to make it last.  Keeping your love for each other strong is not impossible.  You just have to understand why it falls apart and make sure you, and your partner, avoid those traps.  That’s where love relationship advice comes in handy.

With the advent of online dating sites there are more ways than ever to meet ‘the one’.  It’s a much better method than cruising the bar scene looking for someone special.  For most couples the first few months is pretty easy.  You are falling in love and you think the other person is perfect.  You can see no wrong in them or what they do.  And maybe there isn’t anything wrong with the way they, or you, act in the early stages of a relationship.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt and if that’s true it would go a long way to explaining why the longer a relationship goes on the more it tends to break down.

Here is a list of some of the things you, and your partner, need to be on the lookout for in your relationship.  These are common traps that many couples fall into without realizing it.  If you know what to watch out for and can avoid these mistakes you will have a much better chance of keeping your relationship strong and healthy for a long time:

1. Unrealistic expectations.  As I said above we think our new love can do no wrong.  As our relationship slowly changes from falling in love to being in love and all the day to day stresses and mundane tasks we must face, it’s easy to lose some of that early ‘glow’.  This can be a pivotal time in many relationships, sometimes the couple will think that they just don’t love each other anymore and break up.

In reality, in any long term relationship, you will spend a much longer time in this ‘normal’ mode than you will in the early ‘glow’ mode.  It’s important to recognize that this is all a normal progression in an adult relationship.

2. Inability to effectively communicate.  Men and women express themselves differently…that’s just the way it is.  The good news is that you can learn to communicate with your partner effectively, if you’re willing to take some time to learn how. The whole ‘it’s a guy thing’ or ‘it’s a girl thing’ is only true to a point, and is largely just a cop out.  In reality any mature, intelligent adult should be able to learn how to talk to their partner, and even more importantly, listen to their partner.  The real question is do you care enough about your partner and the relationship to take the time?

3.  Don’t confuse sex with love.  This may sound obvious but men and women tend to look at sex in different ways.  Women, for example, tend to look at sex as a way to connect with someone they love on a deeper physical level.  Yes, it’s pleasurable, but the pleasure isn’t just physical it’s emotional as well.

Men tend to look at sex as definition of who they are as a man.  For them too, it’s pleasurable but it’s also a way to prove their desirability and masculinity.  Sometimes when a relationship gets to the ‘comfortable’ stage this difference in views about sex can create problems.  If one partner doesn’t seem sexually interested in the other partner it can create severe stress on the relationship.

If your relationship gets to this point, it might help if you and your partner can remember that sex is only one small component of every thing your relationship is made up of.  While for many couples, having an active sex life is an important part of the relationship, it’s important to understand that as you age and your relationship grows, it probably won’t be  quite as important as it once was. That doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you or find you attractive, it’s just a fairly common way for long term relationships to go.

I hope this love relationship advice will help you hold on to the love you’ve found.  Being able to make a deep, long lasting, connection with another person really is one of life’s blessings.  Make your connection last by learning how to avoid the pitfalls of some relationships.

It might seem like another lifetime when you and your partner said the words: ’til death do us part’, and now you find yourself facing the very real possibility that your marriage may be over for good.  If you still love your spouse and you believe the two of you can make things work out it’s important to remember that there are many things that can help with  saving your marriage.

It’s all too easy for you and your spouse to get burned out with day to day responsibilities such as housework, work, kids, etc.  These things can take away a lot of your energy and all of the romance and can make it extremely easy for the two of you to drift apart.  The first step you and your spouse need to take is simply to acknowledge that this is a common problem and not an insurmountable obstacle.  Don’t mistake this taking each other for granted as a sign that you don’t love each other anymore.  Love changes throughout the course of any relationship, that is normal, but that doesn’t mean that just because the two of you aren’t still in the ‘lovey dovey’ stage of your relationship that you can’t get back to it.

You and your spouse need to sit down and talk openly and honestly about how you are feeling and focus on saving your marriage, but before you do that here are some ground rules you both need to agree to:

1. Both of you will allow the other to speak as long as they need.  You won’t interrupt, except to ask an occasional question, and you won’t get mad and defensive and storm off.  NO FIGHTING.

2. When it’s your turn to talk you will look for the most diplomatic way to say things. You will not use this time as an opportunity to verbally attack your spouse or to rehash old arguments or resentments.

3. Before you sit down to have your discussion you will put the kids to bed, turn off the t.v., put away the cell phone, etc.  This is the time when the two of you need to be able to focus on each other and the conversation 100%.

4. Make a time for the two of you to have this discussion.  Don’t try to just pounce on your partner when they walk in the door from a tough day at work.  Instead, plan this discussion ahead of time when the two of you will have plenty of time and be rested and relaxed.

These rules, if followed, can help you and your spouse learn to communicate more effectively.  Lack of effective communication is the number one problem many couples have.  If the two of you can learn to change the way you communicate so that each of you is able to actually hear what the other person is saying, you’ve got a much better chance of working through all of your problems.

If both partners aren’t willing to work together to find ways of  saving your marriage, then you may want to call it a day and find a way to move on.  I don’t mean to sound callous, but one person cannot save the marriage on their own, it will take both of you working together to make any difference in the quality of your relationship, and remember, it’s all about saving your marriage.

Are you saying “help save my marriage?”  Are you at your wit’s end with your spouse, but want to stay married to him or her?  Do you feel frustrated because they won’t do the work necessary to help save your marriage?

I have a tip for you.  If you want to help save your marriage, you must be the one to change.  Gandhi said “you must be the change you wish to see.”  That’s good advice for a marriage.  If you put all of the focus on wanting your spouse to change, you’ll miss the one opportunity to save your relationship.

The fact is that you can’t change your spouse.  He is what he is.  She is what she is.  Your spouse is unlikely to change because you ask or threaten them.  If they do agree to change, it will not “stick.”

However, all is not lost.  If you start to make the positive changes that will help the relationship survive, you will subtly influence your partner to do the same.

This does not mean that you become a doormat.  In fact, asserting your needs and fulfilling your desires without your partner may be just what the marriage doctor called for.

For instance, if a stay at home wife is nagging her husband to earn more money when he is satisfied with his job, she’s likely to increase the tension in the home.  However, if she takes a part time job or finds a way to make money for the family, it may spur her husband to make more money too.

If a husband wants his wife to lose weight, one of the things he can do is join a gym.  As she sees him getting fit, it will encourage her to do the same.

We often fail to see that we must be the change we wish to see.

As we change ourselves, we create space in the relationship to allow the other person to change and grow.  Let your spouse have room to make the decisions that you want him or her to make.  Don’t nag or belittle them.  You can state your needs in such a way that allows your spouse to have options.

Many couples find themselves on the way to separate divorce lawyers because there is nobody who will help save their marriage.  But, consider going to a pastor instead of an attorney to save your marriage.

Your pastor is committed to the institution of marriage.  He can help you work out your differences in a Godly manner.  If you really believe in saving your marriage, you will take this option.

But, don’t expect miracles from your pastor.  He can only help guide you.  Remember, you are the one who is going to have to do the changing.  You can only ask your spouse to come along for the ride.

If you truly want to help save your marriage, begin with yourself.